Wounds.

Kathir told me once, we must let go of the past in order to move on and seek true happiness. Too bad, I didn't realise how my life was moving on yet somehow moving towards me then. I won't be screaming on the roof about the life I'm having right now. I mean, to be clear, it's not perfect. Yeah, I might be living some people's dream. Life on the turbo lane, a late night drink on Rundle while living a life without any limitation. The past month has been like that but you can never underestimate the power of walking alone. Someone came up to me and told about how he/she has never been single for more than 2 weeks. Of course, I was shocked about how he/she would share such a thing with me, considering we just met. I guess maybe I grew up from constantly needing someone by my side. Of course, being in love may be overrated. People always seem to be happier when they're in love but have you ever seen them when they're not. Question yourself on the urge of always finding someone to be by your side. The fact remains for those who can never be lonely, they always have the need to have physical company. You might argue that I'm being bias considering how I never stand a chance going out on a date, let alone find someone to be in a relationship with. I guess, it's a little bit of destiny and a pinch of coincident that I'm where I am. To those who knows the Almighty lord might say this is His plan while those of you that don't, maybe it's just magical power and fairy dust that makes this world goes round.

Tearing up an old wound after looking pictures of failed past relationship doesn't help, even myself. Being young and naive, I do sometimes find myself in a dilemma of finding happiness. For some, happiness can only happen when you find the true love of your life. Is that so? Frankly, I don't really believe true love and all those mushy mushy feelings. I don't know, maybe because I was disappointed, maybe I haven't really seen or feel it or maybe I'm just being ignorant. Every now and then, people with heart breaking stories make my list of "I should call them and help them out", but it's really difficult to convince people that time can heal all sort of pain. I've been there and done that. Then, no one could console me. In fact, most of them gave up and mock my incapability in putting my feet back on the ground. Everything changed when I met Kathir and how he single handedly changed my life. No, save my life.

Dear Doc, I don't mean to be so rude to you. I just want to let you know, in life, there are some people that you can be there for them but there are some who're just not worth it. If anyone is reading this, I haven't get in contact with any of my Utar mates for a long time. I have no idea what happened to them but I guess I cannot expect them to try to contact them like how I try my best always to keep in touch with them. Doc, don't expect anything from a friend, especially just because she's a she and you hope something can happen. People can deny this all they want but in my opinion, there are so many things in life that are more important than "pikat pompuan". I know, I suck at it because maybe I just don't put my mind into it. Or I could very well be someone's bitch. In life, you need to choose what to keep and what to throw away especially when it's not worth it anymore. I really hope you get what I mean.

Akil once told me, that best thing a person can get used to getting used to being lonely. No offense to Liverpool but sometimes I must learn to walk alone. I'm not trying to point out that I would ditch all my friends and walk this road alone but I think I should get used to the fact that others have their own plans. We should not be clinging on others and wishing others to inject happiness into our life. Some of us, after having too many friends, suddenly not having to switch back to ourselves once the friends are gone. It's really sad. I try to put myself alone as a default and having friends and possibly a relationship as a bonus or should I say reward for being nice. That way, I will appreciate them more, knowing that they are gifts from the Man above. It's a simple concept but complicated application, I hope you try to understand what I'm saying and think about it.

I'm going to work next week. I'll give you a call before I leave. Take care. I hope to see you soon. Really soon.

Truly, Madly, Deeply,

Ang mo kia.

~listening to Maroon 5's Goodnight Goodnight~

i am tired

Hey i guess only hanjun is the only one who really wants to know what i am blogging cause others aren't that close to me =) Erm i had just deleated the girl taht i said i was interested in my previous blog. Because i am a very practical person and if you dont give me a chance to meet you even't after 2years knowing you on9 then its batter to end our connection, Rite? there's no point to be so deaparate and feeling jealious about her everytime I see her with other guys. Its batter that i find a good friend myself. so thats it girl, i am no fool who is an apparatus to give you nice sweety words just to get your attention. Byee... its batter that i dont know you at first. waisted my time =)

Dr chang

I and the 6km race

hey there friends, especially Hanjun Tan. I ran the 6km UTAR treakathon and got the 4th placing. It was kinda tough race as the running road was at the hill and the students that leaded in front of me was really fast and i didn't get to cut them. They leaded me and keep the pace constant between me. Btw it can also be said that i actually will be the maybe 6 or 7 placing if several leading runners didn't slow down at the ending round. Haha. They gave me chances to overtake them. Btw the winner of this race which is from Kampar said he din't event train for the event. While i toke 2 weeks working leave just to win this event. Hahah at least i got the 3rd runner up. With ought any medal but they gave me a cert. I will upload several pictures which is taken by my fiend chun hui as he came to the race just to take pictures( its his interest). I really worked hard for the race, and was abit disappointed when i know i got the 4th position.I will upload soon in my facebook after taking the pictures from my friend tomorrow.

Talking about love life( i know it sucks hanjun!) i think that some things are fated.The girl that i was admiring who is in KL, went to Midvalley on the 21st and i was also there with my parents. But then we dint meet as i toughs she was in Port Diction. Anyway life is like this, rite if its fated then its fated if not then maybe its god who think we aren't suitabe and so we din meet. Haha hanjun that's why i think its batter to be single in a way we have more freedom. I actually planned to find a partner after i pass last semester. But haven't found anyone sutable. The girl that i mentioned above is just a far distance partner that i know thru a friend thru friendster and msn for 2 years ady. But we havent meet before though i asked her out as maybe she's not used to me.So i think its batter to leave it alone and stop beeing desperate on the net=). Actually in real life i could say that there are also several people who shows interest in me, But i cant interact much with them as i am a banana. U see? I think my looks ae also not bad too and a close friend of myne said who got me as her partner will be lucky as i am a very hardworking person... he asid: Did you see any Chinese guy who could work from 10am to 10pm in KFC and get the salary of RM1900? thus he said i am very hardworking. I agree in that sence. So i think maybe i would like to be single till i graduate if its not fated to be =).

will be uploading the pictures soon as i know some of you wanted to see them. Going to work soon in KFC's cook department, its not a hard job but quite boring and lifeless. Hope to change to costumer services department as i could maybe play with Little kids of at least talk to costumers when its board =)
~Dr chang~ special people are attracted to their same kind

(600) days of mining in New York.

In Malaysia, it's always hot. I think it's summer everyday. I used to remember questioning my mother about the real meaning behind Chinese festivals such as Chinese New Year and the Winter Solstice Festival. I wonder, why would people back in China take it seriously. Before I left for Australia, I had a long talk with my grandparents about their expectation and I personally asked for their blessing as I followed my father's footstep down under. I finally got what my grandfather meant when he said, he used to suffer in cold and hunger during the long winter of China. I guess we're pretty lucky being in Malaysia where my forefather seek for a more comfortable life.

I finally moved out of Mawson Lakes. I'm currently living with Luung in Magill. Not bad actually. It's been a week and I still cannot get myself back in shape ready for exams. Oh my God! The weather played a role too in melting my brain and lowering my sperm count. It's 40 degrees celsius. Can you believe that?

A few nights ago, after scoring 2 goals during training (as usual, one's for you and another's for you, birthday girl), I decided to cut David a break by volunteering to be goalkeeper for a while. I played quite well, not trying to brag, but to be honest, we have 3 goalkeepers and 2 of them are utterly complete fools with no football sense. So, relative to them, I'm quite ok, I guess. Heuy is still the best no doubt but I think my coach wants 2 keepers. Me, trying my best when I can, was offered to play keeper for the Parafield competition next season. "Tan, I want you to consider playing goalie for us next season, I think you're a good keeper, you can throw very well", Hugo said. Oh no, I've been trying to hide my goalkeeping skills from my mates because I don't want to play keeper. Come on, I want to score! No one remembers the keeper, people only remember the scorer. Maybe I might consider, who knows?

Recently, I watched (500) days of summer. It's a very sweet show. Boy meets girl, boys fall in love but girl doesn't. That show is kinda self relating in such a way that I see myself in that guy and how much I wish for things to happen differently. Tom is a guy that thinks that he only can find true happiness when he finds his true love while Summer doesn't believe in true love after her parents split. Tom fell in love with Summer but after dating for almost a year, Summer broke up with him and he just lost himself. Finally, she met him again and just when Tom thought that they are getting back together, she told him, she's engaged. Being even more heart broken, he fell into a depressed state and after months, he finally got back on his feet and before the movie ended, he met a girl called Autumn. Funny how I see myself in that show and how happy I am that I finally got past it.

Zooey Deschanel is so pretty in that movie. I think I'm seriously in love with her. LOL. I think you kinda looked like her.

It's either you or the hot weather,

Ang Mo Kia

~I'm listening to Quietdrive's Jessica~