Kathir told me once, we must let go of the past in order to move on and seek true happiness. Too bad, I didn't realise how my life was moving on yet somehow moving towards me then. I won't be screaming on the roof about the life I'm having right now. I mean, to be clear, it's not perfect. Yeah, I might be living some people's dream. Life on the turbo lane, a late night drink on Rundle while living a life without any limitation. The past month has been like that but you can never underestimate the power of walking alone. Someone came up to me and told about how he/she has never been single for more than 2 weeks. Of course, I was shocked about how he/she would share such a thing with me, considering we just met. I guess maybe I grew up from constantly needing someone by my side. Of course, being in love may be overrated. People always seem to be happier when they're in love but have you ever seen them when they're not. Question yourself on the urge of always finding someone to be by your side. The fact remains for those who can never be lonely, they always have the need to have physical company. You might argue that I'm being bias considering how I never stand a chance going out on a date, let alone find someone to be in a relationship with. I guess, it's a little bit of destiny and a pinch of coincident that I'm where I am. To those who knows the Almighty lord might say this is His plan while those of you that don't, maybe it's just magical power and fairy dust that makes this world goes round.
Tearing up an old wound after looking pictures of failed past relationship doesn't help, even myself. Being young and naive, I do sometimes find myself in a dilemma of finding happiness. For some, happiness can only happen when you find the true love of your life. Is that so? Frankly, I don't really believe true love and all those mushy mushy feelings. I don't know, maybe because I was disappointed, maybe I haven't really seen or feel it or maybe I'm just being ignorant. Every now and then, people with heart breaking stories make my list of "I should call them and help them out", but it's really difficult to convince people that time can heal all sort of pain. I've been there and done that. Then, no one could console me. In fact, most of them gave up and mock my incapability in putting my feet back on the ground. Everything changed when I met Kathir and how he single handedly changed my life. No, save my life.
Dear Doc, I don't mean to be so rude to you. I just want to let you know, in life, there are some people that you can be there for them but there are some who're just not worth it. If anyone is reading this, I haven't get in contact with any of my Utar mates for a long time. I have no idea what happened to them but I guess I cannot expect them to try to contact them like how I try my best always to keep in touch with them. Doc, don't expect anything from a friend, especially just because she's a she and you hope something can happen. People can deny this all they want but in my opinion, there are so many things in life that are more important than "pikat pompuan". I know, I suck at it because maybe I just don't put my mind into it. Or I could very well be someone's bitch. In life, you need to choose what to keep and what to throw away especially when it's not worth it anymore. I really hope you get what I mean.
Akil once told me, that best thing a person can get used to getting used to being lonely. No offense to Liverpool but sometimes I must learn to walk alone. I'm not trying to point out that I would ditch all my friends and walk this road alone but I think I should get used to the fact that others have their own plans. We should not be clinging on others and wishing others to inject happiness into our life. Some of us, after having too many friends, suddenly not having to switch back to ourselves once the friends are gone. It's really sad. I try to put myself alone as a default and having friends and possibly a relationship as a bonus or should I say reward for being nice. That way, I will appreciate them more, knowing that they are gifts from the Man above. It's a simple concept but complicated application, I hope you try to understand what I'm saying and think about it.
I'm going to work next week. I'll give you a call before I leave. Take care. I hope to see soon. Really soon.
Truly, Madly, Deeply,
Ang mo kia.
~listening to Maroon 5's Goodnight Goodnight~
