Footytube.com - Latest Football Video Highlights Headline Animator

Friday, January 7, 2011

Youth is a permanent state of mind.

Subject: Senior moment - A 98 year old woman in the UK wrote this to her bank.


The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the Times.
Dear Sir,

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the cheque and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my Pension, an arrangement, which, I admit, has been in place for only thirty eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account £30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, but when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become. From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan payments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank by cheque, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. Be aware that it is an offence under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.

Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Solicitor, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. In due course, I will issue your employee with PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows:

1. To make an appointment to see me.
2. To query a missing payment.
3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7. To leave a message on my computer (a password to access my computer is required.
A password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact.)
8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through to 8.
9. To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.

Your Humble Client

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Blue is the color

You might think that I'm a Chelsea fan after they became rich but I'm not. I am lucky to be able to watch this man, possibly the best player in Chelsea's history to play his final match in blue. Hail the king of Stamford Bridge.



p/s What if I marry a united fan?
~watching Chelsea's Double winning Season~
Regards,
Han

Monday, September 13, 2010

What's funny about Salisbury.

I live in Mawson Lakes, Salisbury. Every now and then, I encounter things that I find amusing. I'm pretty sure I can hear the music "Wonderful world" playing at the back of my head. It's moments like when the Italian man starts speaking nothing but Italian to me on the street. Come on, I don't even look a bit like an Italian. Maybe it's all Marco Polo and the 13th century all over again. Besides that, I think it was almost a year ago, I was at Parafield Plaza when this chinese dude just said, "ni hao" to me, which surprised as how the hell he knew I understand mandarin. What's weirder was a caucasian eventually said that to me as I walked out of that plaza. Impressive, isn't it? Once I was in Elizabeth and I saw a man yelling at his wife. Cursing her out loud as she ran out from Macca's with burgers in her hands. They missed the train and the baby is crying. As I turn my head around, I saw a barely 14 year old girl smoking. Every now and then, along salisbury highway, some crazy dude will be screaming at you but the walk to the Vietnamese store always makes it worth while. As you live Elizabeth and go up the hills, you will see beautiful sceneries and I guess it makes living in Salisbury not that bad after all. Up north, that's what people say about this place. Even other Australians despises these bogans. It is one of the most dangerous suburbs to live in. People normally don't walk out at night, they don't even shower for that matter. Well, this is Salisbury for you, mate.

Malaysian night. Do I still look the same since 2008?

Signing off,

红毛仔


~listening to Meaghan Smith's Here comes your man~

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

The ultimate girl next door.


Someone almost perfect that you cannot believe. Reasonably pretty, sexy and very intelligent. Maybe a bit too complicated and complex but you're the best I've seen, but, then again, way out of my league every since she hung up.

post-script: She's no Larrisa Riquelme.

From,

红毛仔